EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

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EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby greenwoo » Sun Jun 12, 2022 6:01 pm

Grab a coffee, this may take a while!

Everyone always says ‘best trip’ ever after a Tour – well let me dispel such thoughts. Possibly the worst ever is closer to the truth.

The weather wasn’t terrible, but frankly no better than the topsy turvy UK weather – in fact I photoshopped blue skies into the pic’s. The roads were ‘ok’, yes doing mountain passes can be fun, but not when there’s road works every few miles – as well as a ton of slow moving traffic. Yes we enjoyed ourselves, but I suspect that we’ll go elsewhere next year – and i’d urge you to do the same. The Alpes are so ‘yesterday’.

On top of that I realised that generally as drivers of sportscars we yearn for hairpins and vistas to accompany them ; But in reality, every mountain looks the same, and having to navigate carefully around those hairpins is hard work, and after a while – well, a bit tiresome. Again, take my word for it and plan on going somewhere else.

But the story itself?
Well, the much delayed 2019Tour saw a mixmash of runners, due to many of the original ‘runners’ having a change of circs in the intervening period. So I guess it’s fair to say that it was a Car Tour rather than a kit specific outing.
Richard in his kit, moi ( yes i learned the lingo) in the mx5, George ( who had toured a few years ago with us) was in his newly purchased ‘daily’ ) Golf GTI, and his pal Adam in a Fiesta ST.
In short, an oily richly running pinto’d ‘Hood’, a hairdressers ‘semi soft top’, a Rep Mobile and a Chavtastic Halfords Car Park special.

We didn’t dick around with naming this Tour – mainly as my creative juices had been spent on other ways. But George stepped up on the Eurotunnel to suggest ‘Mind the Gap’, a nod to the nearest main Town. So there it is ‘Mind the Gap 2022’.


Chapter 1; Operation Brock. Can’t anyone with half a brain figure out a better solution – rather than imposing a 50mph limit on the m20? Needless to say having some ‘Bants’ with Rich at ET Terminal calmed me down. The ‘Young Ones’ turned up a tad later – intro’s were made, hands shaked and ‘off we went’.

No tour would be complete without a sat nav issue – so i wasn’t surprised to find that Rich was a bit adrift of the lunch stop.
What i hadn’t figured out ( others may want to note this) that the new frigging TomTom’s rename waypoints and don’t ‘recognize’ destinations. So Rich assumed that there was an errant wpoint with a ‘and then turnaround’ – whereas it was bloody lunch! Err, we saw him again at the Hotel!

And when we did?
Well, let’s just say that the words used were; Running like a pig, very rough, coughing, farting, spluttering – of course he meant the car!
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It also wouldn’t be a Tour without Rich taking bits apart and covering himself in grease/oil/crud. We helped – by buggering off and buying a bag full of cold beers and then ‘pointing’ ( every good friend should use the power of the finger to point and say ‘err did you try....’

Dinner? Well let me tell you, France is a poop country – don’t go there.
The first night was also the first of many Gallic shrugs and ‘Sorry Monsieur’. In this case – a pizza place where the owner was clearly on a promise and wanted to close early to go ‘collect’ on that promise. Oh, we were merely offering to put our hard earned into his pocket so he could buy her some flowers on the way home and perhaps receive a ‘better performance’. Nah, he wasn’t having it.....so we hunted another one and ate at McGintys ( Irish Bar).
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Ever pondered why there is an obligatory Irish Bar in every biggish EU Town? Clearly never frequented by paddies, nor owned by them, to the point where the owners can’t even say ‘Guinness’ – let alone pour one! So we made do with a couple of Blondes ( beers not leggy escorts).

Day 2; So we headed down from Chalon Sur Saone toward Lyon and then we’d batter through the Parc Du Vercors with the crap road surfaces in the search of a view or two of some gorges and peaks.
Ok i’ll put my hands up, i do quite like that region – with its balcony roads and rough rugged rocky outcrops.
rd view.jpg

It’s also the home to the monument/museum for the Resistance. Hell if they had a base there in WW2 – then i can imagine it being nigh on impossible to ferret them out.
rd mtn.jpg

After lunch we continued heading south toward ( and beyond Gap)....destination, Savines Le Lacs.

Yep, looked good in the photos, but clearly someone had doctored the publicity shots – i should have known that no lake is a perfect turquoise! More like a dreary grey! And the ‘quiet’ campsite was full of rowdy football fans and more like ½ mile from the lake – not the 200metres they’d alleged!
day 2 lake.jpg

The mobile homes were spot on though, Rich and I having one each and the ‘Young Ones’ sharing. Few beers stuffed into the freezer, nattering on one of the decks and then the 2nd round of Gallic shrugs and ‘Sorry Monsieur’. Yep – seems that the owners of those local restaurants all had nookie on the brain and were itching ( maybe the wrong word) to get home and get ‘busy’.

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Guess what? Even the flipping pizza takeaway place had run out of pizza bases ( yeah right she looked like she had a date booked with a ‘Rabbit’), but she pointed out the ‘pizza machine’ outside her fine establishment; So we had another bloody pizza for dinner that night..Upside? Freezer had cooled a few more beers – so a load of ‘horlicks’ was talked.
I think it’s good to learn something new every day – so after our ‘putting the worlds to right’, i went ‘home’ to log in to the internet to check ‘the Eifel Tower position’. Who knew? Oh yeah, ‘one of the crew’ !

Day 3. Well it was technically day 3, but due to a technical ITN glitch – we actually did a different route for a later day. Took us down to the Gorges Du Verdon. We got separated and hooked up at a coffee stop – only to find it was shut( quelle surprise). We soldiered on and put up with the views that the Gorges has to offer. But hey, once you’ve seen 1 gorge you’ve seen them all, so imagine a gorge with a nice open view to the horizon and that’ll save you going there.
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gorge view.jpg

Oh, another reason to avoid France – they don’t do ice creams, they have these Glace ‘things’ – similar, but not as good as Sainburys Vanilla. So we had a coke and rehydrated. We learned that one of our number had once confused Cambodia and Columbia – so we shouldn’t have been surprised when we was referring to Peruvian Marching Powder. It raised an eyebrow or 6, until it was explained that he meant Columbian ‘Gear’. Fair to say that he hadn’t studied Geography, and a minor miracle that he’d made it to France and not the Philippines.
gorge.jpg

Oh how we patted ourselves on the back for booking a restaurant on the beach for our evening meal. Nah, we crapped out again – after we’d settled down and got halfway through a beer ‘ so Monsieurs, we were busy these last days and don’t have.....’ Would have been quicker to say what they did have. French food is sooo yesterday, and sooo average. Give me a dirty kebab over garlic grilled prawns any day!

Day 4; Started well, ended well, bit in the middle was ‘ok’.
Col D’Izoard, stunning ( could have called it a day after that – see one mountain and 1 view from a mountain...). The route afterward took us into Italy, and a corker of a road. But first to say that clearly that part of Italy spend their tax revenue on something other than tarmac – guessing the local Mayor is into Hookers and Marching Powder.
pano 1.jpg

mtn views.jpg
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But the SP21 – whooo hooo. What a wacky road. It was a small A road with a shedload of twisties – and we were somewhat surprised to find ‘artic’s someing the other way; Upside, we knew that the corners couldn’t be ‘that’ tight, downside – you don’t want to meet one at the wrong point.
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It was one of those roads that gives a bit of everything. Adreneline – twisty, challenging enough with a vista of mountains that kind of hugged the road and which stretched beyond into France. At one stage i ‘knew’ that we wouldn’t have to worry about oncoming lorries as we headed up a pass with the (tiresome) hairpins – err, wrong! FFS, how do those drivers get 40ft of lorry around those frigging bends.
Upside – they’re big enough to see a way off and avoid! Loved that road!
mtns.jpg

Dinner? The ‘Young Ones’ did a supermarket sweep and stocked up on essentials burgers/sausages and a few beers. I may have taken the piss when they also brought out ‘sides’ of chopped carrots, bulgar wheat and coleslaw. ‘Real Men’ only eat protein (burger) and carbs in the form of a bun.

Day 5; The ‘was it something i said’ day.
Yeps, Rich and I headed out whilst the ‘Lads’ elected to stay local and have a lie in. This was the day that i couldn’t be arsed to photoshop – so you get to see how crappy the weather really was. Cloudy with sunny spells in the morning, 83 droplets of rain ( i counted them on the windscreen) and then sun in the afternoon.
rich me  day 5.jpg

Rich and I did a true circle ( well the kind that i’d draw if i were blindfolded).
And after 3 ‘turn around where possibles’ we cracked it. Those were my fault for ignoring a WP and then not deleting enough, so Cindy Sat Nav ( i swapped out Sally for a younger replacement) kept want to take us back to a low mountain pass. Once i’d given her ‘what for’ we cracked on.
rd to nowhere.jpg

We ‘coked’ at the top of the Lautaret Pass and passed McD’s in Briancon ( made famous by Gary/James in 2019) and then headed up a Road To Nowhere. I’ve never been a fan of going up a dead end – but had spied this one on GMaps and it looked compelling for the scenery. It didn;t disappoint. It ran through a valley between 2 mountains that seemed to get closer with each mile covered.
rich mek.jpg

We skipped lunch – not intentionally, but purely because France was ‘shut’ ( again). The helpful guy in the bar suggested that we could buy a sarnie at a shop over the road ( given of course that every Boulangerie was shut). I don’t know when he last went into ‘that’ shop.....suffice to say that if i’d fancied a sandwich made with organic veg with a selection of ‘pick n mix’ spices and a side of special face cream; Well then that would have been the shop to go to. Sadly, not a bit of pig or beef between 2 bits of buttered bread! So we ‘coked’ again and headed onward.

Dinner?
Ah ha. Not to be deterred, the Young Ones rolled on the special ‘sides’ again, i think determined that Rich and I should get all ‘New Age’ and embrace veggies. I believe that Rich caved in and politely ‘suffered’ some of that ‘stuff’.

We debated the crucial aspects of life and indeed death – by spending a while coming up with inappropriate funeral songs.; We discounted the obvious Disco Inferno and the Okey Cokey. From memory ( hazy due to 1 bottle of iffy beer) i think the top runners were; Going Underground, Help, Living in a Box. A game that was added to each day with each trying to outdo the others.

Day 6. Col De Bonnette. Or ‘Oh look a marmot’. I wondered what i’d been looking at the past days when George would say ‘ did you see those snakes in the road’, or ‘what about those Marmots’. I’d mumble about concentrating and trying to preserve my life – and wonder whether perhaps it was time for an eye test. But that day? Hell Yeah – i saw a Marmot, and another and then a Marmot Rally.
rd view 3.jpg

Talking of which. As we got to the bottom of the pass we encountered another ‘Group Rally’ heading up. A few Alpines, Porkers, Loti ( what is the plural for Lotus), and a couple of Matras. I can only assume that they may have slowed down a bit the further they went up the Pass ( otherwise am sure i’d have read an obituary on the local newsfeed). ‘King nutters. I did wonder whether Tony B had any relatives living ‘over there’ ! Straightlining corners, being on the wrong side of the road.
rd view.jpg

This was also the day when i doffed my cap to the lycra warriers. It takes something special to pedal a 2 wheeled machine up 2500metres. But i reckon it takes more to come down again.....no wonder they prefer to ride in the middle of the road when they can. Frankly? Frankly i’d be hugging the ‘land side’ and keeping well away from the edge!
rd view 2.jpg

We also encountered the ‘posh old boys’. You know the type, Ferrari, slicked back hair and a penchant for 20 year old scotch and 20 year old Polish birds. Not a good look though when 4 huddle around a petrol pump to put some ‘go go’ juice in the Ferrari. Don’t get that with Kits and Hairdresser cars!
ferrari.jpg

Dinner? George drove us to the other side of the Lake to visit a restaurant they’d found on their ‘lie in’ day. And very tasty it was too. Adam kindly pointed out that i was right – who on earth would want to move from this wonderful country of ours to a hell hole like France; Crap weather, crap roads, closed on Tuesdays or Wednesdays and sometimes both, unimaginative food, so –so wines. Yeah, i’ll give that idea a miss!

On the subject of roads. I’m going to petition the Gov to send a few boffins over to France to investigate their tarmac layers. We know the Irish built great canals, the Chinese built great railways, the Germans great tanks – but no one talks about the ‘Pierres’ of this world who work on the ‘black stuff’.
Those boys don’t mess about. Rip it up, re-lay it, get it open double quick. And smooth? I’ve played on pool tables that aren’t as flat as their roads. But we did debate whether the drivers of the lorries that take machines/tarmac etc up the mountain passes volunteer or draw a short straw. Frankly – i suspect the latter.

Day 7. Heading ‘Up Country’.
Yeps we need to bang out miles to get to Troyes for the night, but it seemed Cindy wanted to ‘play’ before we hit any main roads. ‘Good Girl’! We blended small A’s, big B’s, motorway and then B roads to knock off the miles. This afternoon was typical ‘rolling countryside’ with fast back roads. Loved it!

Destination for the night was Troyes, a Town we’ve visited a few times as a good stopping point – a medieval town with a lively vibe; Plenty of cafes, bars and restaurants with tons of outside seating in the narrows streets and ‘squares’.
day 7 leany blding.jpg

We picked over the Tour, talked of ‘What’s Next Year’ and generally mused. I opined that we have the Holy Trinity to thank for roads, weather and scenery; Napoleon, ‘The Gods’, and the Tarmac Guys. I’ll leave the reader to figure that out.

Day 8.
Generally I hate the last day of a Holiday, just teleport me home and get it over with – but that doesn’t hold true for a Tour. There’s still miles of good roads to cram in to bank final memories. The plan? Knock off some motorway miles for an hour or two and then hit the back roads.

So by the time we exited at Reims we were ready for a Croissant and coffee for some ‘man fuel’ ahead of the ‘B’s. We passed village after village – straights, smooth bends, the occasional sharper one to keep us on our toes and glorious sunshine beating down to roast us a bit more. We also passed a village where there were a load of Banger cars, i’m sure not as hardy as old Granadas though!
mountauin view ar 2000.jpg

mtns 2.jpg

It’s clear that Lockdown/Covid hadn’t affected spending and works in the rural villages. Seems that just about every other one now has’ speed tables’ to keep the pace of life – slow. I smiled inwardly, thinking that my old Tiger would have left part of its skidplate over there; No such prob for Rich with a more normal ride height n his ‘Hood’. Then a call came through ‘puncture’ for Rich. Doh.

George and i backtracked to find him and the source of his woes.
Now, some say that when he was born he was delivered by a mechanic not a stork, that his first word was pinto, and that he dabs Castrol R behind his ears before a night out. All we know he’s our own Captain Slow.
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Err, let’s say that the camber on the rear of the Hood was not ‘kind’ to his rubber, with the braided wires grinning through the edge of the tyre. It wouldn’t be a normal trip unless Rich had some minor issue on the last day – clearly i’d forgotten that, but the God’s hadn’t! A further check showed that the other rear tyre didn’t look great. So we made a decision after changing the wheel to hit the motorway and ‘keep it straight’ to avoid loading it too much.

Hit ETunnel early, and snagged a slightly earlier shuttle.

Round Up
A shade over 2200 miles covered. Nigh on wall to wall sunshine. Brilliant roads and scenery to store in the memory banks. Photos cannot do the vistas justice, no camera matches the way we process and view across a panorama – so whilst many photos can look ‘samey’, the reality is far different to that! We had 1 road which was less than optimal, a pass inside Italy that was pretty much unused; narrow, bumpy and seemingly an endless climb; But even that had a unique view at the top with a 270 degree panorama of other peaks.

The banter added to the physical fuel to make us smile and bonds made, such that all were keen to nurse Rich back to the end.

Staying in one place for ‘round robins’ is a luxury; Being able to unpack and make somewhere ‘home’ is spot on, and the mobile home/chalets were a first; Normally we ‘do’ a Hotel. But being able to cook simple evening grub and unwind on the decking offered a different option to always eating out.
And the Lake provided the Young Ones with a swimming opportunity at the end of a few days.

Yes of course it had been sunny all week – a mere 26-28 degrees. Enough to turn my forehead into something that resembled ‘Tiger Bread’.

Ah, ‘The Young Ones’, a deliberate reference to Rik and Co. Mainly as we had to leave the ‘homes’ clean and tidy – so when i popped my head through their door the night before we left i was a bit ‘perplexed’. It did resemble the ‘set’ from the Young Ones kitchen. In fairness, that was because they’d hosted and cooked for us all on 2 nights! But kudos, they got it cleaned and spotless by the time we left.

Did i miss having a Kit? Yes and no. Did I rue the fact that a Tour tradition that started in 2011 has morphed into other cars including tintops – NO. I think it’s all about enthusiasts coming together to have fun, and it doesn’t matter what the stead is – as long as the driving is considerate and consistent so that there’s all round ‘trust’.

A word about Chris L. We should have been ‘5’, but a flurry of messages late afternoon on the day before departure made it clear that he had ( well his car had ) issues and joining wasn’t going to happen. Such a pity, especially as Chris had kindly rechecked the ITN’s and found a couple of errant WP’s. Next year mate!

Hope that after so many words a few will read to this point – and those that haven’t dipped their toe into Touring abroad will get a hankering to try one.
Attachments
road view.jpg
rich car.jpg
rd view 1.jpg
rd mtns.jpg
pano.jpg
mtns 1.jpg
mtn.jpg
coke 1.jpg

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locost220
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby locost220 » Sun Jun 12, 2022 7:33 pm

Yea, those roads and weather were rubbish.

Great write up
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Robin Hood 2B, keeping me sane
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DJ.
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby DJ. » Sun Jun 12, 2022 7:39 pm

Great review, I've missed your captain's reports :D

Some great photos, but it's a shame the French weren't very welcoming.

I agree, having a base on a road trip is ideal. Not carrying luggage all the time and the option for people to miss a day or shorten a route but still be at the hotel in the evening takes the pressure off.

Our experience in northern England and Scottish borders this year had more rain, although I didn't have the hood up for more than about five hours in total, was colder but the natives were very welcoming and the roads were deserted and very challenging 8-)

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locost220
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby locost220 » Sun Jun 12, 2022 7:55 pm

For those who have not had the pleasure of watching these I give you a few links to videos of most of the days Mark refers to .

https://youtu.be/zENAsxcoEo8

https://youtu.be/UZqScFKIXc0

https://youtu.be/tb45znpDHRc

https://youtu.be/ugvhHVE6zHc

https://youtu.be/faKqU9xrbkw
Locost book chassis, Undergoing testing post rebuild :D :?
Robin Hood 2B, keeping me sane
Sylva Leader, stuck to the trailer

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ChrisL
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby ChrisL » Sun Jun 12, 2022 8:31 pm

Great write up, almost like being there!! Massive shame I didn’t make it, but glad I found the issue when it was relatively easy to resolve and get home. Next year fo shizzle
Yes I've been drinking, what of it!!

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TigCatE1
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby TigCatE1 » Mon Jun 13, 2022 9:00 am

Can't believe my photo of the alsatian didn't make it into the final report :lol:

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locost220
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby locost220 » Mon Jun 13, 2022 12:14 pm

Obviously someone does not like Caterhams
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Locost book chassis, Undergoing testing post rebuild :D :?
Robin Hood 2B, keeping me sane
Sylva Leader, stuck to the trailer

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Jasonmpk
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby Jasonmpk » Mon Jun 13, 2022 3:00 pm

locost220 wrote:Obviously someone does not like Caterhams


My pair of them swear it's a sign of affection !! :D :lol: :D

Great write up, and I'm very glad you all made it home safely, I'll be thinking about next years tour trip once I get confident in my kit.

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ChrisL
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby ChrisL » Tue Jun 14, 2022 8:38 am

Jasonmpk wrote:
locost220 wrote:Obviously someone does not like Caterhams

My pair of them swear it's a sign of affection !! .


This raises question and images I'm not sure I want :lol: :lol: :lol:
Yes I've been drinking, what of it!!

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nelmo
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Re: EU Tour 2022 - Captains Report

Postby nelmo » Tue Jun 14, 2022 11:45 am

Well, I'd like to say well done but I'm not quite sure if you enjoyed it or not :)

Can you post up a rough map of where you went? Would be interesting...


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