Reinventing the wheel + an idiot = ?

[greenwoo]

Knowing that I was going to be partying last Saturday I took the precaution of buying an energy drink for the following morning. Now it could be that i'm so laid back that these things typically don't work, but despite the fact that i've tried this routine many times without success i decided to give it a lemming like rerun.

To put that into context, i've seen the ads and heard the stories of folks all hyper on that juice, me, not so much, not normally a flicker in the cardiogram....oh i lie.....there was a day when i drank 'quite a lot' of that gear. Poor planning led me to take some contractors out on the lash in Vienna on a Thursday night, having forgotten that our office party was the next day.

The contractor bash was erm, tame, so much so that the highlight was trying to get the client absolutely hammered.....given that he passed out in the loo's of the American Cocktail Bar - 'mission accomplished', but i was somewhat groggy when i got back to Blighty having had about 3 hours sleep and a shedful of the nectar that is Bacardi.
Worse, i'd timed it all badly, having 10 minutes to check email before the obligatory 12.00 oclock rush to the local juicer.

Upside, there was no way i was going back to the office atleast not until the coach would arrive to sweep us to the hallowed venue of the Circus Tavern....downside, i could only drink about 4 pints back then before needing to switch to Bacardi. And the realisation that it would be a 12 hr session sank in ... somewhere after the 2nd treble rum & coke....ah before you say it, yep, had to be trebles in a pint glass, that way i wouldnt finish my drinks too far ahead of the pint swilling guys.

Anyhooo. Having realised that i might peak a bit early i figured that a certain energy drink that gives you wings would be the way forward....to this day i'm not sure if i have a reaction to vodka, for that's what i paired it with....(for a good few hours).....if you can imagine being run over by a Hummer, used as a punchbag by a boxer that's just worked out that his Thai bride used to be called 'George', and then given a massage by the Marquis De Sade - well that's how i felt. Energy, err no, jittery err no, just the feeling of having been given a solid kicking.....to this day i stay away from vodka.

But energy drinks....well i'm a sucker for an advert and if they keep telling me that i'll have more go than a virgin in a brothel, well i'm game.

Sooooo i bought my tin of 'go go juice', popped it in the fridge and sure enough Sunday morning i was feeling a tad lethargic. And then i worked out why that brand was on offer....no one sane of mind would ever buy a 2nd can.....
Because some boffin had changed the ring pull to a complicated and impossible puzzle - just what you need after a good night out, bit like being a lab rat, you know the treat is close to hand but there's 23 hoops, a maze and a wheel of death to get it.

Somewhat gasping I fought with the mechanism, nope, the bugger wouldn't budge. Dry mouthed I tried to stare it into submission, but am guessing that the red rimmed eyes didn't look too threatening as it refused to yield.
Now i may have been somewhat hazy of mind, but FFS i had to go onto youtube to find out how to crack that thing open....and when i did, what a joke. I've had leaking taps that have more 'output' than that.
I figured that if i was patient it would miraculously start flowing - properly.
I didn't time how long it took to drink, but am guessing that watching the whole of a Moto GP Race ( with one eye over the top of an inclined can) is probably a record.....

Energy? feck, i expended more energy trying to get into that sodding can that it could ever have repaid me with.

Why oh why do these muppets try to make things better , only to make them worse?

[DJ.]

You'll probably find it is Health and Safety's way of stopping kids drinking to much of the stuff

[steve m]

Too sum up Marks post, for some that don't like reading


MARK HAS AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM, THAT RENDERS HIM USELESS TO OPEN A TIN OF FIZZY POP

steve

[greenwoo]

- Harsh but fair

[zxr400]

Ho dear ,,,,mate don't admit to anything else